Self Forgiveness: A Pathway to Inward Peace
This month’s blog is a personal share reflecting on the peace that comes with self forgiveness. I hope it offers some support and comfort along your journey.
In the month of May I had the most uncanny experience seeing “forgiveness” every which way. I’d open up a book and the chapter was about forgiveness. I’d pick up an inspirational card and its message was about forgiveness. I’d open up my daily inspirational email message and, yep, forgiveness. I even made myself a cup of tea last week and my Yogi Tea tag said “To forgive yourself is to make a conscious choice.” Forgiveness was all around and in front of me, and I couldn’t ignore it!
I took today to reflect on this, because when something shows up on repeat I know Life is trying to get my attention. I identified a couple topical issues I felt irked about, though they didn’t hit the mark for true blue forgiveness. So I called a beloved mentor and friend who listened to me share about these touch points of forgiveness alongside a situation that also presented itself in the last month seemingly “out of the blue”.
Asking my mentor “What’s the connection here?”, it became evident that forgiveness was needed for and toward myself. Yogi Tea tag was totally on the money: “To forgive yourself is to make a conscious choice”. And digging deeper, I discovered the unconscious regret connected to the culmination of past choices leading to the present. Yep, Regretland. A place of self blame and judgement, which grow like weeds in the soul. After a pause, my mentor said: “It’s time to take a look at this and finally forgive yourself.” Oooof. A host of emotions arose and I sat with the feels. Even through all the personal healing work I’ve done across two and a half decades, it was like Welcome to the Human Experience! all over again.
Being a therapist, I believe it’s essential to embody the work I guide my clients through. We’re all on a healing path until the end, in my opinion. So I sat and breathed and wrote and then moved my body, and I got in touch with all the feels. Memories from two decades ago flooded my mind. Thoughts like, “What if I chose differently?” and “Why did I do that?” and “What would life look like today?” hammered at me, pinning me down with regret and self disappointment. The reality of past choices brought so much contrast to the present day.
And through the emoting, writing, breathing and movement, I shifted into gratitude. Gratitude for What Is: where I am now and for what I have and who I have become at this moment. I extended compassion and perspective toward myself, honoring my younger self for the decisions she made given the information she had in front of her, and the desires she had for a life ahead of her. I gave her permission to let go of the past. She did the best she could with the information she had.
Gradually, there was a whole-body shift. And I rediscovered in a tangible way and with a softened heart that the present moment is our point of power. When we look to the past with regret, we lose our peace. Blame and guilt and regret bear no gifts, no fruit, no life. They steal our peace. And through literally saying out loud and on repeat to myself “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”, the medicine of self forgiveness created room for inner peace to flow, returning me home to a calm, clear heart; gaining perspective and compassion.
I want to share a helpful exercise, crediting author Nicole Bayliss. I hope this supports you in releasing the weight of what no longer serves you and opens your heart toward self-forgiveness. From Nicole:
You can ask yourself:
Who am I blaming?
Who am I judging?
What are my judgements?
Simply being aware of and acknowledging blame and judgement will loosen its grip on you.
Then feel into your heart and breathe in Light. As you breathe out, consciously allow your heart to open.
Then say:
I let go of all blame and judgment towards (name the person, situation or self).
I choose to send love to (name the person, situation or self).
Our lives can move so quickly in the present that it can become easy to gloss over the past, even if we’ve already done personal work in this area. As I’ve experienced again and again: healing happens in layers. I hope my share serves as a compassionate reminder to do a self inventory of the layers and what’s weighing you down, then letting go for good.
I’ll wrap this up with the words of Therese of Lisieux, which I hope offers freedom from regret and peace for today:
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
~ ~ ~
Love, C
Christine Slomski, MS, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in anxiety, trauma, grief & loss, chronic illness, infertility counseling, reproductive loss, and women’s mental health.
Hi, I’m Christine Slomski, a Licensed Professional Counselor, EMDR Therapist, EFT Tapping Practitioner & Reproductive Grief & Trauma Specialist in Mesa, Arizona. I’m here to help you find your way back to Calm.
My work supports healing from within, using a Mind, Heart, Body, and Spirit model. I’m professionally and personally qualified to walk with you through the hard places, believing you already have within you the components to heal, transform, and thrive.
With love,
Christine